Old Neighbors.

We have lived in this house for 10 years.  When we moved in, I was about 5 months pregnant with Eden.  We didn't pick out her name right away and we didn't share it with anyone until after she was born.  I was trying to have that "moment" with her and we certainly had it. 

My parents were staying at our house while I was in labor and after delivery.  My mom was outside working on our poor neglected yard (we were first time home owners!) and struck up a conversation with Ray, the old man who lived next door.  I had had the baby by then and Ray asked what I had had.  My mom said, "They named her Eden," and Ray said, "Well I'll be damned!  That's my name!"  We had known our neighbors as Ray and Betty, not Ray and Betty Eden.  From that day on, they were sweet on that baby girl.  Ray was in his mid 80s, hard of hearing, and had 3 inch thick glasses.  He was a perfectionist in every way and pruned his yard like it was going to be judged.  He and Eden became fast friends as soon as she could walk.  She would go between our yards and chatter to him for long spans of time, he couldn't understand a word, but I think he liked the company.  Their friendship softened the tension that inevitably creeps in when one neighbor is an immaculate lawn-keeper and the other, not so much.

Ray died in 2008 after a heart attack.  It was his third.  A few months before that he had fallen out of a tree he was trimming and after that he was weak.  He was in great physical shape but his heart was weak.  Eden was very sad that her friend was gone.

We began to call on Betty more often.  She tends to be more of a homebody and wasn't outside as much as her late husband.  We were determined to continue in our relationship with her, even if she didn't always want us to.  She is a bit of a pessimist, to put it lightly!  She rarely asks for help or says a kind word.  She is tough, she is strong, she's seen all but one of her siblings pass away before her and she basically raised most of them.  After Ray died, I tried to go over once a week for a while and bring her food or treats or groceries when she'd let me.  During this time, we became friends.  As odd as that sounds, since she is an 88 year old woman who is, well, cranky, and I am 33 with three small kids, and well, cranky sometimes too.  I guess it's not that weird!  Ha!  These days, she and I talk on the phone from time to time and we like to share the same stories over and over.  Well, mostly she does.  I don't mind though, I enjoy her perspective.  I try to pepper in my optimism whenever I can, but mostly I just let her tell me stories (and occasionally educate me in parenting).  It has to be so lonely to live alone at that age.  Betty's getting older and it is getting harder and harder to visit with the kids because she is more nervous when the kids are there.  I keep going when I can, she needs the company more than she needs to be alone.

I'm not sure why I posted this exactly, except that I'm processing this move regarding her.  In some ways I feel guilty for moving and leaving her here.  She has two children who visit, one who lives nearby and take care of the house and yard, and a daughter who visits from Des Moines once a month or so.  She will most likely be moving out of this house and into another sort of home, one with more help, in the near future.  I'm not sure she really wants to though. I feel badly because she sort of acts tough, hiding her sadness that we're no longer going to be neighbors, by making every negative statement she make regarding our build.  You put the house on the market too early, I hope the new buyer doesn't neglect the trees, oh, he's young? there goes the neighborhood.  Those kinds of remarks.  But I know her well enough now to ignore them and look deeper.  I hope she knows that she's not just a neighbor to me.  She's my friend, whether she likes it or not.

Giving

I know this is not a theological blog (oh Lord have mercy if I were to write one of those! Not my gift!) but I thought of something today after watching TV and I wanted to post it. I was struck today while watching Good Morning America's Melody Hobson talk about giving this holiday season. The first thing she said was, "The most important thing is...not giving more than we can afford."

Dear Melody, I beg to differ. The Bible says this about giving in 2 Cor 8:1-5:

"And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the Lord’s people. And they exceeded our expectations: They gave themselves first of all to the Lord, and then by the will of God also to us. " (emphasis mine)

Again, in Proverbs 11:25:
"A generous person will prosper;
whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. "

It is completely counter-cultural for us as Americans to think that giving away what we have to others is a good thing. Sure, we want to give a little, but not enough to feel it. If you are a Christian, steer clear and repent of this type of giving. Melody's wrong. Give til it hurts. Christ did. Aren't we called to live as He did? I pray that Dan and I would live this example and that my children would know this and worship the King by giving sacrificially.